Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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