my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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