Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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