Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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