Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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