All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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