You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
