Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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