Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize