what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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