I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
