the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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