She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
