school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
