I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My feet surprised me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
