and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
