shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we made out on top of his cat.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
