if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
