oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
