I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
