Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
