We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
