We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
