she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
