It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize