Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
