can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
