He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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