Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
