who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
