Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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