hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
