I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
