Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
