i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
