We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
