thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
