I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize