ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
