i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Drake has all the answers
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
