You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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