Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
