What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
