Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
