just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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