i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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