well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
