This show inspires me to have sex in space
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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