I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
