I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
