Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
