And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
