im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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