This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
