the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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