You work out of a Hotel?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sober January is a disaster.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
