Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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