fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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