so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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