someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
