After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize