Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize