I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
