he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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