so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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