Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
