sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
