i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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