Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
