it was like his penis was on wheels.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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