So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
