A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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