then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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