im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
