Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
