she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
