Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
