it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Randomize
