So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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